Over the past several days, my meditation exercises have been pretty typical. The exercises consist of the same routine and obstacles to some degree or another. I am learning that what I eat plays a major role in my meditation. I ate quite a bit of sugar yesterday, and it made my practice seem speedy. It also made me a little jumpy. I know that I should not eat before a meditation exercise.
I am grateful for my meditation exercises. It allows me the opportunity to learn to live in the present (slow down). My wife and I had a conversation on Saturday. She told me that I am a very controlling person. I denied it of course because I felt that I was not controlling, but more of a facilitator. I was merely trying to lead her or (anyone for that matter) over to my point of view. (That’s funny! Isn't that controlling defined?) I never looked at myself as controlling, but as I began to examine myself I realized I am very controlling! In my past, I always had to control the situation. If the situation was not controlled by me, I would not want to participate or I would make my mark within the situation. Now that I think of it, even when I was dating or I saw a girl I wanted I would devise a plan to get the woman I wanted. I don't fly because I am not the pilot!
I am saying all of this because I am faced with the reality that before I can move forward, I must work to overcome my fear of losing control. Fear is the issue. It is being fueled by my ego, insecurity, and avoidance. So in order to remove the fear, I must identify the traits, factors and situations that prompt this need to always be in control.
I must replace the negative traits with trust and understanding. I must let go of the ego and follow when necessary. Mindfulness will help facilitate the change and help me get rid of FEAR